October 22

Today marks 1 year and 7 months since Auggie’s death. He was an Irons for 1 year and 7 months. He has now been gone as long as he was with us. And that makes me a tiny bit crazy – I am thankful for every day, but it is still a day without Auggie. And I am unsure how to make sense of that in my mind.

It is also my birthday. I am fairly certain I am turning 39. I got confused a few years ago and turned 33 two years in a row – and I have been a little off ever since.

It also marks 1 month since Atticus has been home from the hospital.

So today is happy and sad.

I still look at Atticus with a bit of surprise. We knew of him for a few years, and tried desperately to find him a family – I even thought one of Auggie’s specialists might adopt him. I asked so many people. The answer was always no. But his little, spindly leggies were stuck in my mind, as I watched a little boy fading in pictures from across the ocean.

oct 22 blog
Atticus’ last adoption listing picture. (2017)

After the whirlwind of adoption – and it IS a whirlwind – the mind wanders. A lot of parents experience post-adoption-depression, I don’t think that is where I went, but I have such a hard time understanding injustice and exactly why such suffering persists. Exacerbating my confusion is knowing that Atticus is only just a lovely little nugget. His biggest issues are trauma-based. His toddler-sized body a constant testament to the cruel manner in which he was raised.

And we really could have missed Atticus entirely. He is almost 16, which is the cut-off for Eastern-Europe-to-America adoptions. Had we stalled a bit, he would have left that place when he had no more breath to be buried in an unmarked grave, his body unceremoniously rolled up and carried out back.

Wading through the world of children without families can assault the soul. I used to say it just made me angry, but it is far more than that. The tidal wave of darkness drowns light and life leaving voiceless victims in its wake. The problem for me is that I live with these people – to not know is an impossibility. And now, you know too.

The children waiting have NEVER been unworthy of a family, but they are treated that way – every day they hear NO. Maybe it isn’t vocally, but the masses have spoken just the same, and the message is clear – you are unworthy and undeserving. And I want to point my finger outward, but I can’t because I am guilty too.

thoughts and prayers. 

1 year and 7 months ago Auggie died. And Auggie’s death brought an onslaught of thoughts and prayers. And I am grateful for them. But these children need our voices and our action. Crises and tragedies cannot merely be wished better. And, while I believe in prayer-I also believe that the Lord uses us in the answers. Which means we cannot just beg and plead for God to save kids and then say no when He says MOVE – We ask God for interventions and then refuse to actively participate in the solutions and so children wait.

Today – if you would like to celebrate my birthday, commemorate Auggie’s passing, or rejoice in Atti’s homecoming: donate to a family adopting, post about a child needing a family, speak to people about children that have no one – volunteer at your local social services, become a mentor…find a way to serve, and serve.

I am not saying that adoption for everyone. I am saying more voices, more action, more resources can change the outcomes. I ask you to look around for something to do. Find whatever it is that drives you to do more, to serve better, to love purposefully. It is the kindnesses of people choosing action over apathy that will transform our planet.

So – Go. Do. For Atticus and Auggie. For you and for me. And for the millions of children without families. It is a perfect time to stop waiting and start doing, today.

Check out organizations that serve children here.


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