March 22, 2017

I left the morning of the 21st to take the girls on a birthday trip to New York and have some meetings with Children’s Rights. When I left Auggie was smiling. Happy. Squirmy.
And I kissed his fat cheeks and told him I loved him as we hurried out the door.
That night Auggie became lethargic and unresponsive. He was taken to the hospital where he seemed to rebound a bit. He was then set to be transferred to the large children’s hospital. While in the ambulance, en route, Auggie’s heart stopped. They did CPR and diverted to a closer hospital to get immediate care for him.
Auggie never regained consciousness.
We are awaiting results to determine cause of death. But right now, it seems that Auggie
had a virus attack his heart. And he just wasn’t strong enough to fight it off.
I was on the phone in a New York City hotel room listening to doctors and nurses administer epi-shots and use a defibrillator on my precious boy. I was on the phone when the doctor came over to Nigel, who was with Auggie, to let us know that they had done everything they could. And that he was so sorry.
The girls and I packed up and left for the airport within an hour or so. And found ourselves back home by 10AM on the 22nd.

Today is still the 22nd.
Auggie died today.

I didn’t want to be this person.
The person whose child died before them.
But I am.
I was so angry at first. And then sad. And then angry again.
From what I understand, this will continue for awhile.
I want to get stuck in this question. And I really can. But the true answer is that I am not excused from pain. Neither was Auggie. Or you. None of us are. 
What now…
Now we try to heal. We cry. We laugh.
We tell Auggie stories.
Because there are no new Auggie stories to be made.  
And that crushes me.
We plan a funeral.
And I hope everyone will come and celebrate this miraculous life.
Right now, I want to know Auggie’s life had meaning. That there is purpose.
For me, Auggie changed my world.
He is singularly responsible for challenging my faith daily.
He tested my patience. He tested my ability to function on two hours of sleep.
Auggie made me smile. And cry. A lot.
He made me brave.
I am grateful for this brief little life that blessed our family.
I will miss him. His smile. His squawk. His beautiful face.








32 thoughts on “March 22, 2017

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  1. I am so sorry. In time “God heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3. Thanks for sharing the post. I pray it is the start of the grieving/healing process for you. If we can help in anyway, let us know. Love and hugs to all the Irons. ������


  2. Christy, Nigel and family,I am so very deeply sorry for the passing of Auggie! The impact that you and your family had on this precious child is unmeasurable! As I read your post on the amazing gains that he made is a true testiment to who you are as individuals and a family. A role model for us all!!! This precious child of God can now be your angel as you were his the day that you opened your heart, family, and soul up to him! My prayers are with you all for comfort in God's loving arms! All my love, Ashley


  3. I am a friend of Emily's and have been hearing about Auggie's story for some time. I just wanted to say I'm so incredibly sorry for the loss of this sweet boy. I'm glad he had a chance to live a happy life and be loved since you brought him home and I can't imagine the depth of the hole in your heart now that he's gone. You and your family are amazing and such an inspiration. My heart aches for you and you are all in my thoughts.


  4. Christy and Nigel.. I heard about Auggie when I came into work this morning. I am beyond shocked, beyond broken hearted. I watched that tiny 8 pound 4 year old grow and blossom and bloom into a dreamy eyed, steal your heart, chubby-cheeked, man bun wearing, healthy 6 year old. Love did that. I am so grateful for the gift of watching Auggie grow. I will never forget him. I will never forget you. All my love, and prayers for comfort.. nurse Kerri. PICU


  5. There are no words. “I am so sorry” just isn't enough. Grief is such a helpless feeling. I want you to know how many people are touched by your family, even when we haven't met the entire family. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your life, for sharing Auggie's life, for sharing your story, your feelings, your love, your hope, your patience, your anger, your grief, your pain, your happiness, and especially your Faith. Thank you! I know your family will continue to bless my life and so many others' lives. Sending prayers, comfort, and much love. Shannon Berley


  6. I'm so sorry. My heart is aching for you, and at the same time rejoicing that you were able to give him so much love and he didn't pass away alone somewhere. My prayers are with you.


  7. What a wonderful thing that Auggie was able to know a mother's love and the love and warmth of a family and a home before his time here on earth was through. May the peace that passes all understanding give you strength and comfort now and in the difficult days to come. Love and prayers offered up for you all..


  8. We are all crying with you Christy. I am so very sorry for your loss, no one should ever have to go threw what you are riggt now… unimaginable, I am sure I am not alone in this… I jist can't imagine the overwhelming wave of emotions you all are going threw, everyone loves your baby's even though many of us have never met them. You have given us the chance to watch them grow threw your blogs, posts, videos, and pictures. A glimpse into the Irons world. So many of us have loved being able to follow along with what you share. I have never met your Angel, however threw the glimpses you have shared I, and I am sure so many others, love him (and all your others.) Please let me know if I can help in any way. I am here if you just need to talk… thank you for sharing you little angels everyday life with us, we will all miss him very much. Miss you Christy Irons!


  9. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I know it's devastating after all the love, time, and effort y'all gave him to bring him into a better life.He was so much happier and better off with you all as a result.His life was short, but now God and his angels can be with him and take care of him.My heart goes out!Jacob Brown


  10. My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your pain. There are so many praying for you. I hope you can feel that tonight. What a gift you had. You all were so brave and you risked so much. I pray that the love that he brought into your life would continue to grow. I pray that your story would inspire more and more families to be so brave. And I pray for healing and strength to walk through this grief. Thank you for sharing your lives with strangers.


  11. I'm remembering you all in my prayers today.I'm struck by the beautiful moments in the pictures you shared – so happy and full of life. He had beautiful memories and moments, didn't he? Thank you for adopting him. His life had meaning.


  12. I'm just So sad about your sweet and adorable boy passing away and so utterly sorry for your loss. His life was precious and had meaning. He had such a lovely spirit about him. He will always be remembered as one more good reason to save the life of a starving and suffering child.


  13. Your family and your experiences will remain in my heart as a testimony of the beauty within brokenness. Praying for unexplainable comfort in the mist of debilitating pain. Auggie's life was pivotal to all who knew him or learned of him. He left a great mark on this planet. Of that I am certain!


  14. A friend of a friend shared your story. We hold you and your family up in prayer. God gave your family a real blessing with Auggie, and I know your grief is real and raw. I hope you find comfort of God's promise of everlasting life for your beloved son.


  15. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling right now. Auggies story is inspirational and I loved all the posts you shared with us. He was a beautiful boy who had a beautiful life with your family.


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