Being okay.

Hello my friends,
It has been one week.
We are okay. Not great, not whole. But we are okay.
And I will call that pretty good for the moment.
I keep going back to the thought that this is not where I expected to be right now.
I expected Auggie to live much longer.
I hurt.
Can your spirit physically ache? I think it can.
The kids have gone back to doing lessons and chores and real life.
And I have too.
We are sluggish at times. But we are getting it done.
One step, one thing at a time.
Choices.
I was asked if I knew all of what I know now, would I do it again?
Yes. Absolutely.
A million times again.
There are zero scenarios we can dream up in which we would not want Auggie.
Heartache and all. Hospital visits. Ambulance trips. Sleepless nights.
All of it. I take all of it. Willingly.
Humanity.
There is a dark side of humans. One rarely discussed, and often-times underplayed and unknown.
In the states, we see it again and again in the foster system. Abroad, in orphanages, asylums and institutions. Where children are invisible. Hidden away. Where life is marginalized to meeting only the bare minimum (or less) of what is required to live. Much less thrive. This is not acceptable.
But our actions communicate otherwise.
Fairness.
Fairness, unfortunately, has little bearing on what happens in this world. Although, I am not entirely sure that is always bad. Many of us are unfairly privileged. Enjoying and even expecting comforts precious few humans will ever experience. The problem comes when we hold on to these privileges so tightly, feeling life is unfair if we are not readily given and gifted what we want...while knowing masses of humans lack what they need.
Needs.
Hundreds of thousands of children have no home. No family. No person to call their own.
These children need you. They need me.
Be a voice. Be an advocate. An activist. Be a family.
Refuse to allow this tragedy to continue into another generation. 
We are the ones that can change this.
It can be hard and dirty work.
You will lose your heart. You will lose your soul. You will hurt.
But, I promise you, in the end, you will know, it was worth it.
Decide now, that as functional adults, merely breathing in and out until the end of our life is not good enough. It never was. Because a life lived only for you, is not a life at all.  Right now. I cling to what I know.
I know I am raw. And we are wounded. My mind is foggy and I seem to be forgetting things that I don’t usually forget. I know that I miss Auggie. And I know I have to function because we have other sweet kids that are also hurting. This is not just about me.
I know that I want Auggie to be more than just some planetary blip.
I know that one of my biggest fears is that he will be forgotten.
His remarkable story dying quickly, like him.
I know that each of our kids has transformed us in some way.
Auggie is no different.
His needs were so unique. His story so unbelievable.
He was the boy that lived.
And we are blessed beyond measure to have called him son.
Thank you, friends. For your kind words. Your food deliveries. Your company. Letters. Flowers.
Thank you for answering your phone at unmentionable hours when I couldn’t sleep. Thank you for crying with us, laughing with us. Thank you for sharing this unexpected and surprising life with us.
I am so grateful.
Many blessings,

Christy

 

3 thoughts on “Being okay.

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  1. “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”C.S. LewisAuggie is a megaphone, “Wake up people, wake up and see.” There is culpability when we choose indifference.

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