Auggie is five.

It is Auggie’s birthday today. My five-year-old now weighs 17.6 pounds. More than double his weight in September. He has grown almost 4 inches. He has chipmunk cheeks.  And the sweetest smile.

He LOVES to hear his oldest brother call him “Tater”…poor Auggie will probably never be called Gideon. He has ALL the horrible nicknames. Tater. Sweet baby boy. Bebe Gaga (Adam’s version of “Baby Auggie”) Sweetness. Tiny. Tiny Hiney. Teensy. Bitty Boy. It is pretty gross. We are gross people.

This boy has had four hospital stays in five months. Auggie has not been very good at being sick. yet. He is getting progressively healthier and will have surgery to begin fixing his airway as soon as he is well for 4 weeks in a row. This 4 week-in-a-row rule is proving rather challenging. But we are working on it.

 Big kids. The big kids are just so cool.

 

The oldest. And the teeniest.

 

Auggie. And his sweet cheeks.

Auggie and his sister.

#8 and #9.

 

They love little Auggie.

They squeeze him and love him and call him all the horrible nicknames.

And he laughs.  And I smile.

Auggie turns five today.

He is smaller than an average 12-month-old.

His tiny, weary, body bears witness to years of an entirely deprived existence.

One that no human should ever have to endure.
I will not sugar-coat…this has been hard.
Some days we are tired. And some days I cannot sleep thinking of his little friends.
They will always haunt me. Living and dying in my dreams.
Alone. Cold. Hungry.
With no one to hold their hand as they drift between this life and the next.
I can never erase the images. The smells. The horrifying silence from my memory.
I wonder if Auggie can.
Today, Auggie will hear us sing a very out-of-tune, obnoxiously loud “Happy Birthday.”
He will see us smile and he will smile back.He will tolerate us squishing his face. A little. Today, he will spend his first-ever birthday out of a crib and in the thing every child should have… a family.
Today, we celebrate this boy.   The one we never thought we would meet. This precious life.  Our tiniest of tiny boys.
Happy Birthday, Little Auggie. How we love you.