Happy Mother’s Day, Moms.

Adopted.
Biological.

To all the moms.
This is your day.

This morning Asher pooped on my foot, the bath mat, the floor, and the tub.
Again.

Happy Mother’s Day to me.

I used to think today was about me.
wrong and wrong.

Mother’s Day around here brings about BIG emotions.
Because four of our ten family members remember biological moms.
And sometimes, it hurts.

We spend Mother’s Day carefully celebrating the mothers that gave our children life.
Our kids need to know that we still love mothers.
Especially mothers that aren’t me.

Some people think celebrating the women that wounded my children is a bit odd.

Our kids have different histories.
Physical abuse. Emotional abuse. Domestic violence. Arrest. Lots of alcohol.
One of our children was shaken. Until his brain knocked against his skull and began to bleed.
Many of our children were exposed to drugs in the womb. Some were exposed after.
One of our kids really wants to meet her mother one day.
One of our kids wishes he could forget his mother in one second, and in the next he wishes he could save her from herself. And falls apart from guilt. from hate. from feeling guilty about hating.

This is our Mother’s Day.

Our kids need to know we do not hate biological moms.
We choose to love. Even when we do not understand.
And I really do not understand.

Several years ago, while I was bemoaning our children wanting to celebrate their biological moms once again, Nigel (also adopted) set me straight.

It isn’t that adopted kids don’t love their adopted mom. It is that they need to know that their origins are still important. That their biological mother is not evil, even if their actions were. Biological moms are a part of their biological children. No matter what. And if we exclude biological family memories from celebrations we are just telling our children that their past doesn’t matter, or that it is shameful. And that isn’t the truth. 

So, today we will pray.
We will choose to forgive.
And choose to love.
We will hang out with friends and act slightly normal. Slightly.
We will remember the precious women that gave our children life.
We will choose to be grateful instead of bitter.
We will celebrate other mothers.

Happy Mother’s Day.

 

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