enough.

Originally posted May, 2015. Updated December, 2018.

I get lots of feedback from people when we get asked the question…“Will you adopt more?”

I usually say “I have no idea.” Because that is the truth. That seems to strike people as odd. Because we have lots of kids. People assume we can’t handle more. Or that we don’t or shouldn’t want or have more. And that always gets me thinking. Are these people right? Have we done enough?

How do I explain to my children with emotional and physical scars…

unimaginable neglect…
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That we have done enough?

That we have administered enough comfort to the lonely.

And enough justice to a forgotten population?

What does enough look like? And when have we reached it? Because I really am not sure.

Is enough even quantifiable? Is it what we decide? Is it a destination or more of a journey? Is it possible, as a believer, to love enough, sacrifice enough or give enough? Or perhaps we will never see or know what is considered enough this side of heaven.

I am afraid to admit that somewhere along the way, I lost my faith in what is real. I lost the willingness to decipher what God is and isn’t requiring of me and exchanged what I am called to do for some kind of quasi-faith that requires nothing but the occasional, temporary discomfort easily satiated with some small act of good. And I have to ask myself, is that even faith?

I can frequently warp God into what is comfortable and deceive myself about what is really required of me in this life. Because, I really do like to be comfortable. So, I convince myself because we have done “good” things that we have done enough. This is just trading Truth for the American Dream. I tend to chase the things that make me feel secure. And all that my erroneous logic and arrogance has taught me is that security is a myth.

I have spent the larger chunk of my life trying to be safe. Trying to control.
And friends, it isn’t working.

Now, I find God tearing away at my comfort. He is, once again, stripping my perception of what is comfortable and secure and replacing it with Truth. This lesson is currently exceptionally painful. Because it means scraping away at my self-imposed life rules and fighting what comes naturally. Day by day. Hour by hour. Second by second. I have to choose.

When I get to the end of this life, I don’t want to regret what was left undone. And at the end of our days, we hear about humankind being sorry about the risks they didn’t take, not the ones that they did.

I am finding myself in a state of refusal – to merely exist in a half-lived life.
Even if it seems easier.

I say I have faith and that God is in control. And then argue about what is and isn’t justice in my life. If I am supposed to be mimicking Christ and He sacrificed His life, can I offer anything less?

So back to the question at hand: What is enough?
The truth is, as a believer, my answer must be:
Nothing less than all of me. Nothing less than all I can possibly give.
My life, a sacrifice. In joy. In horror. I give up. I give in.
I have decided that enough is nothing less everything.

What that looks like, in our family, I don’t quite yet know.
But, I feel God whispering and beckoning.
Showing me He is faithful.
Proving step by step that He is able to be trusted.
Even when I am scared at what enough looks like.
He is there. Graciously prodding me along.

Maybe, enough is when there is enough food for the hungry.
Enough families for family-less children.
Enough love. Enough justice.
When there is enough of whatever is needed to go around.
Not just for you. Not just for me.
And until the day we have conquered the tragedies of: poverty, hunger, orphans, war, persecution, slavery, famine – My assumption is that enough has not been reached.

So, join me on this journey. Where social media outrage is simply a powerless and ineffective means to mollify our conscience. Where we recognize our superfluous blessings and begin to advocate and serve in the realm of the marginalized and oppressed. Where we set aside judgments, wants, selfishness, even when it feels impossible. Where we meet people in the dark pit that we were once in and blindly offer a helping hand. Only then will enough begin to transition from pipe-dream to possibility. 

Enough: as much or as many as required

My prayer is that my idea of what is or isn’t enough is not determined by fear.
And that we recognize enough may look slightly different for you than it does for me.
And even when contrary circumstances are stacking up we never, ever quit.
And just like every planetary crises, we must all join together.
In justifiable outrage. In willingness to GO and DO.
To search, endeavor, work, bleed, die, live, sacrifice – for enough.

4 thoughts on “enough.

Add yours

  1. Hi, Can I copy and paste this and share it on social media? If not, that’s fine but it’s so exactly what I feel but can’t express it near as well as you did. ?

    Sharon Pinkston ________________________________

    Like

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