I do lots of ordering around here.
My children call it “bossing.”
They might be right.

I have come to enjoy these orders…It really does amuse me, maybe because I
am genuinely shocked at the some of wild situations that I feel I need to clarify for the kids.
I am sure moms everywhere have their list of odd orders that they have utilized and giggled about…we have TONS of them here. These are the things we say that aren’t initially funny, but later become increasingly hilarious.

Here are some of our favorites….

In the car:
Do not pick your nose and wipe it on the car windows.
Do inform someone when a window needs to be cracked.
Do not lick the person sitting next to you.
Do not pull on the emergency window release!
Do not throw your already-opened drink from the back of the bus to the front of the bus.

In and around the house:
Do not use the back porch as your personal urinal.
Do not use humidifiers as your personal urinal. (not kidding)
Make sure you have your own underwear before you put it on.
Wear shoes that match.
Wear a left shoe and a right shoe.

In airplanes:
Do not shout “WOOHOO!” during turbulence.
Do not screech “WE ARE GOING DOWN!!!” when we start to descend.

Also…for every day use:
Never say “Hey Mom, smell THIS!” unless it is referring to some sort of food I can identify.

Even after this bizarre list…I had to make a new announcement this morning:
Do not go outside in your pajamas while it is snowing.
And what I really want to know is at what point the kids thought this was a good idea….

So I asked.

Of course, as always, they have a great explanation…
They woke up, saw it was snowing and thought “oh dear! it may quit snowing soon!” Then the kid that woke up first and was dressed and ready to go outside egged them on. You know…”come ON guys, you don’t have time to get coats and shoes, let’s GO!!!”
So they all decided this was logical and ran outside.

So in review, the kid that looked like this:

convinced the kids that looked like this:

to go outside.
And don’t let Joseph’s hood fool you…he slept in a ninja suit from the dress-up box. It is not warm.

The pajama clad children lasted about four seconds in the snow before they came screaming into the house. But not before I made them take a quick picture to prove that it really happened.

And that is when I told them to never go out in the snow in their pajamas.
To which Mia responded “I think we figured that one out all on our own.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to that.
This may mean my years of ordering are coming to an end rather quickly.

Yay…sort of.

I am going to miss the kids being little and needing direction.
I am going to miss all the bossing and ordering…
And the funniness that goes with it.
I am looking forward to seeing them grow
more independant
more self-controlled
more responsible…

Because isn’t that my job?
To raise children that don’t need me?

I can’t order them around forever.
Or at least I shouldn’t.
Even if I want to.

2 thoughts on “orders.

Add yours

  1. Too funny! I feel like I give the kids so many absurd commands… “Henry, stop whacking Alice with your socks!” “Alice, please don't stick your finger up Henry's nose!” (Have I ever told you you're my hero?!)


  2. Laura! I can so relate…I have had the “don't stick your finger up your neighbor's nose” discussion. It just cracks me up how annoyed I get in the moment and then laugh my head off later when I tell Nigel what I ACTUALLY had to say OUTLOUD to the kids…so funny!


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